


The secret

by Nuredhel



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Family Drama, Healing, Psychological Drama, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-16
Updated: 2015-04-16
Packaged: 2018-03-23 06:27:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 22,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3757894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nuredhel/pseuds/Nuredhel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To better the relationship between Mirkwood and Imladris one of Elrond's sons is to marry one of Thranduil's daughters, but the Young elleth is not what they expect. She is carrying a Secret and the memories of a horrible past, can Elladan open his heart to this wounded soul or will the Whole affair end in a disaster?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Light subdued

Light subdued. 

 

Elrond was standing on the balcony, staring out at the valley. The first green sprouts of spring covered the ground and the sunlight turned the stronghold into a very inviting sight but the lord’s face was a bit grim this morning. There was nothing he could do about it, he didn’t like the situation even a bit. He sighed and tried to smile at his counsellor who came walking along one of the paved paths, his hands full of parchments ready for signing. Erestor saw him and nodded his head in respect and Elrond nodded back. The crisp morning air usually filled the peredhel with cheer and energy but not this morning, too much was at stake. 

He still remembered it, the conversation he had had with his eldest son, the angry words and the resentment Elladan had felt. It was all for a higher cause, they had to remember this. Sacrifices were needed if they were to survive the rising darkness, they all had to do their fair share. Elladan had been fuming with a rather volatile mix of emotions and he had been far from willing, claiming that he already did enough fighting orcs. Elrond knew that his son was right, he really shouldn’t have to do this but there was none other who were suitable. Elrond had to sigh thinking about it, the way Elladan’s flint grey eyes had been flaming and the stern look upon his handsome face. “I will not do it ada, no way. I am not going to marry some…sinda! And absolutely not the daughter of that insufferably arrogant…piece of wargdung!”

Elrond rubbed his temples, his head ached and he wished that the situation was avoidable but it wasn’t. The relationship between Imladris and Lothlorien was good and they cooperated well, but Mirkwood was a different matter. Over the years of the late second age and the early centuries of the third age that realm had started causing problems, and over time they had gotten worse, much worse. Thranduil was extremely suspicious towards anyone who wasn’t of his own population and of the noldorin elves in special. Elrond wouldn’t say that Thranduil hated them but it was pretty close to it. 

Mirkwood had been isolated for centuries and he felt that Thranduil was becoming more and more paranoid, he refused any help and even though there wasn’t officially war between that realm and the other elven settlements it wasn’t far from it. Elrond could almost be tempted to call it a sort of war, if any elves from the other realms were caught within the borders of Mirkwood they were imprisoned and interrogated and treated in a rather cruel way. Nobody had died but over the years the relationship between the Noldorin and Sindarin and Silvan elves had become very hostile and strained. Elrond was sorry it had come to this, the noldor regarded the sindar of Mirkwood as haughty and aggressive and the silvan as primitive and barbaric. They in turn regarded the noldor as naught but lying manipulative power hungry and greedy relicts of the first age not worthy of any trust. 

But finally some sort of peace had been created through a lot of diplomatic work and not a small amount of sweet talk and promises. And to seal the deal so to speak marriages were to be arranged. One of Galadriel and Celeborn’s foster sons were being sent to Mirkwood to marry one of Thranduil’s daughters and another daughter of the monarch was being sent to Imladris to marry one of Elrond’s sons. Elrond shook his head and tried to think straight, he had been offered the elleth at first but he had no intention of ever getting married again, his Celebrian was waiting for him across the sundering sea and he knew he would meet with her again. But his sons were not married and so the duty fell upon Elladan. Who was truly and honestly aghast to say the least, he had almost thrown a tantrum when Elrond told him of the decision and only his great respect for his father had prevented him from doing something truly stupid. 

Elladan had been sulking for quite a while and Elrond couldn’t say that he blamed his son for it, the eldar usually never married like that, to strengthen political bonds, but this time it had to be done. They were walking along a razors edge when it came to Mirkwood, they needed the support of the king, to know that he would aid them against the rising darkness. The silvan elves were perhaps less wise but they were extremely skilled warriors and there is strength in numbers. Elladan had claimed that Thranduil were trying to insult them, that he regarded them as unworthy and below him and his people and Elrond knew why. Thranduil had always regarded the peredhil as tainted with human weakness and it was not at all unthinkable that he used this as an opportunity to mock them. He had a rather peculiar sense of propriety and Elrond sighed once more. The elleth and her entourage were expected to arrive this morning and he didn’t quite know how to greet her. He had accepted this out of a sense of duty and also out of pity, he knew a few things his son didn’t. 

The elleth destined to be his son’s wife wasn’t a princess, she was the daughter of Thranduil’s concubine and thus not royalty at all and she had been married before. So Elrond did understand that Elladan thought that the king tried to insult them by sending them what some would refer to as a second hand bride. Elrond had learned through careful investigations that the elleth had been married for only two hundred years, she had gotten married off as soon as she had come of age and so she was still very young. Her husband had been the son of one of Thranduil’s generals who fought alongside him and his father at the Dagorlad and he had been killed in a freak accident involving a barrel of wine, a carriage and a spooked horse. 

The marriage had been childless and Elrond had learned that the in laws blamed the elleth for this fact, she had apparently suffered a miscarriage early in the marriage and after that nothing more had happened. Elrond did pity her, it could not be easy and he had heard from good sources that her mother in law almost accused her of having caused her son’s death. It was such a sad thing and so Elrond had agreed on the treaty and the whole arrangement, he felt as though he would betray some innocent third part if he didn’t agree to it. 

Elladan was ordered to stay at home, there would of course be a one year betrothal before the marriage ceremony but that was just to please those who believed that traditions had to be followed and respected. Elrond knew that his son much rather would be out hunting orcs but if he allowed him to leave he wouldn’t return for several months at least and the healer knew that his son would need some time to get to know this elleth and perhaps calm down a little. Elrond knew that his son actually hated Thranduil and for good reasons, many of Elladan’s friends had been captured by the silvan elves of Mirkwood and the reports of both beatings, sexual assault and torture were long and grim reading. 

Elrond feared that Elladan would vent his anger on this elleth, treat her in a cruel way even. He just hoped that he would be positively surprised and that Elladan would prove himself to be better than that. Elrond hadn’t raised his sons to become the type of ellyn who would abuse a female, even if she in their eyes were one of their enemies. 

He had thought of choosing Elrohir, he was a much more gentle natured ellon and very patient, he would always try to see a situation from more than just one side and he had an open mind and a very unselfish heart but Elrond had very early on realized that Elrohir never would marry an elleth. All his lovers had been male and so Elladan was the only choice left. 

Elrond had put on some rather nice looking robes and he had made sure that everybody was to treat the young elleth with respect and gentleness. He had a suspicion as to what type of personality she had. His informants had told him that she was being treated as though she was worthless even by her own father and the healer hoped that Imladris would offer her a new start and perhaps a much better life. 

One of Elrond’s guards came riding down the main road, he stopped his horse after having crossed the bridge and dismounted. “ The group is here in twenty minutes.” 

Elrond gestured towards the servants. “Go get Elladan and my counsellor and the others I have asked to come greet her. Is it a large group?” 

The rider shook his head, he looked shocked. “ No, it is her, a servant, two pack horses and there were four warriors escorting her. They left as soon as we met them, couldn’t get away fast enough or so it seemed.” 

Elrond felt that he got tense, just a servant?! Morgoth’s breath, and only two pack horses? The king had sent his own daughter off as a pauper, how could anyone do that to their own flesh and blood? The small courtyard was filling up with elves, some because they had to be there but others because they wanted to see this sindarin bride. Elrond had no idea of what to expect, he had heard naught of how the elleth looked and he feared that she would be like her father. Elladan would most certainly start off on the wrong foot if that was the case. His son arrived and he looked like a thundercloud, eyes blazing and teeth clenched so hard his jaw was trembling. He was very handsome and had taken great care with his appearance but everybody could see that he was angry and not at all happy. Elrohir had arrived too, he stood in the background and looked at his brother with both pity and an expression of worry. He shared his father’s worries. 

The riders came into view, the guards in front and two females behind them. They both rode rather plain looking palfreys and wore clothes that were dirty and even torn. They looked tired and when they got closer Elrond felt that his heart dropped in his chest. One of the riders was an adeneth, obviously the elleth’s personal servant and she was well above her youth to say the least, she looked gentle and kind and Elrond sensed that this human sincerely cared about the elleth. He looked at the elleth and sighed, at least she didn’t look like her father. Elladan was staring, his eyes rather cold and hard but there was something akin to shock to be seen in his gaze. The riders stopped their steeds and the two females remained on their horses and Elrond saw that the elleth kept her eyes fixed on the palfrey’s neck, she was pale and he saw her hands shiver. 

Elrond put on his most gentle smile and went over to his future daughter in law, she was frighteningly thin and her auburn hair had no shine to it. The eyes were jade green and very large and they were filled with fear, her lower lip trembled and she appeared to the close to passing out. He threw a confused glance at the servant who bowed her head. “My lord, we have ridden for four days, without sleep nor decent rest. The guards her father sent with us wanted the mission to be over with so they could return home fast and so they kept pushing on. My lady is not used to riding, it has been hard on her.” 

Elrond swore to himself, he had never heard of such thoughtless neglect ever. He reached out and touched her hand. “ I am Elrond of Imladris, welcome to our home Asya.” 

The elleth almost squeaked when he spoke to her, her eyes were so dark and Elrond knew she had been pushed far beyond the limits of her endurance. “I…I am honored to be here”

The voice was so low only Elrond heard her, she reminded him of a wounded deer, trapped in front of the hunters. Elrond gestured for Elladan to come forth and he obeyed, he stared at the elleth with something akin to both disbelief and growing pity and Elrond was relieved that he didn’t see any hate in his son’s eyes, at least not for the moment. 

Elladan swallowed and lifted a hand, offering to help her off the horse, she was nothing like he had imagined and he was a bit confused. Was this really a daughter of Thranduil? It was hard to believe since she had naught of his colors or features and only the pale skin told of Sindar blood. The auburn hair and green eyes were a very silvan trait and she appeared to be short in stature and rather petite. She closed her eyes for a second and took his hand, swung herself slowly out of the saddle and Elladan didn’t fail to notice that even the saddle was a cheap one. Thranduil had obviously not wanted to send them anything of value. He felt angry but hid the feeling, this elleth looked like a frightened child and he was both relieved and disappointed. He had somewhat hoped that she would be like her father, an image of him, someone Elladan could use to claim his vengeance on behalf of his brethren. And he was relieved that she wasn’t at all like that, because he knew that that type of behavior would be way below him, it just felt tempting knowing what his fellow warriors had suffered. 

She got down onto the ground and immediately she collapsed, Elladan grasped her with a gasp and Elrond rushed forth, he helped his son holding her upright. The servant came to their aid and she looked very concerned. “ My lords, I fear she has saddle sores and she hasn’t eaten in days.” 

Elrond didn’t try to stop himself from cursing this time. “ Alright then, to the healing ward with her, not the best way to enter her new home but it is needed. May I ask you your name?”

He stared at the adeneth who smiled, there was such warmth in her eyes. “ I am known as Ghirda my lord, I have been Asya’s chambermaid for three decades.” 

Elrond sighed. “Good, a servant will show you to the rooms we have prepared for you and the lady, you may see to it that your belongings are taken care of, then you can join us in the healing ward.” 

Ghirda smiled and Elrond felt that this adeneth was a person he would really truly like. Elladan was pale. “ She is skin and bone ada, look!”

He had pulled down the dirty tunic and exposed a bony shoulder, the skin was grey with grime and Elrond started to believe that this elleth had been treated like a slave by her own family. His chest burned with rage, but there was nothing he could do about it, except trying to ensure that this poor elf faced a better future than what she would have found among her kin. 

The elleth was indeed short, she only reached Elladan’s chest and she was slender and yet rather curvy compared with other ellith. But she was as Elladan had mentioned very skinny and weak. Elladan lifted her and she groaned and closed her eyes, it was obvious that she found that humiliating. Elrond tried to give her a supportive smile, he saw that the crowd looked stunned and he heard the whispers, there was no doubt that the anger many felt towards the king of the woodland realms would only increase after this. 

Some servants removed the things the pack horses carried and Ghirda remained there to see that everything was put in its right place. Elladan and Elrond rushed towards the healing ward with haste and Elrohir followed them, Erestor was also running along, he looked very shocked. Elrond shouted for his assistants to gather and he saw that Asya trembled like a leaf in a storm, she looked absolutely terrified and he did understand that this could be just too much for the poor soul. He made Elladan drop her onto a bench very gently and she just sat there, eyes closed and breathing very shallowly and fast. Elrond still had problems believing what he had seen, and he just felt that this elleth had suffered a lot. She was probably just as opposed to this whole marriage mess as Elladan and probably even more so. She had been married, if she had loved her husband then the idea of marrying someone else had to be terrible. It was after all almost unheard of that elves remarried but Thranduil had always had his own way of dealing with things and he had never had much respect for the ancient laws and customs. 

Elrond sat down in front of her, he had asked one of the assistants for hot water and a cup and he planned on making her drink a tea with sedating effect. “How do you feel dear?” 

She didn’t dare to look at him, it was rather obvious that the sound of a friendly voice was simply too much for her. “I…I…” 

Elrond sighed and looked at Elladan, his son was pale and looked as if he was in shock still. Elrond hid a grimace and got up, he got a cup from the assistant and made some tea, added some of his special herbs and then he handed it to her. “Here, drink, this will make you feel better.”   
She stared at the cup with suspicion, perhaps she thought they would poison her? But she didn’t hesitate, she just drank it all even though it tasted vile, it didn’t seem as though she cared whether she lived or died and that was very disturbing in deed. 

The tea started working almost immediately, she was tired and her stomach empty and her eyes rolled up and she just collapsed and Elrond wished he could have explained this to her before he drugged her but he knew that she needed treatment and it would be too traumatic if she was awake, at least when she was this timid and shy. 

Ghirda came into the room followed by a servant and Elrond nodded at the adeneth. “ Were you her servant before her husband died?” 

Ghirda shook her head. “ No my lords, I was assigned to her three years after Galaron died, I guess they wanted someone to look after her, a suicide wouldn’t look very good.” 

Elrond felt the elleth’s pulse, it was uneven and weak. “ She tried to kill herself?!”  
Ghirda nodded. “ Yes, she refused to eat, they forced food into her.” 

Elladan looked terrified and Ghirda sighed. “ The poor thing, she has never had anything of her own, never had friends or even allies. The only one who has treated her with kindness is the queen believe it or not.”   
Elrond got the assistants help with removing the muddy boots. “ Oh gods, she needs a bath, badly. And she stinks. The queen? I would have anticipated jealousy? Wasn’t Asya’s mother the kings concubine?” 

Ghirda had sat down next to her lady, she held the unconscious elleth’s hand. “ Yes, a very beautiful silvan or so I have heard. The queen was glad the king got a concubine, it meant that she no longer had to suffer his advances that often. After all, she had given him six children and she was tired.” 

Elrond just mumbled. “ I have heard rumors about what kind of activities he prefers, no wonder the queen was relieved if they are true.” 

Ghirda smiled, a sad smile. “ Oh they are true my lord, the queen was very sad when Asya’s mother died, the king got even more suspicious and strict after that and he has treated Asya as a mongrel ever since.” 

Elrond shook his head in disbelief and turned to Elladan. “ You may leave now, you should not see her like this.” 

Elladan just made a grimace and left the room, Elrond and the assistants removed the dirty clothes and the healer was aghast. She had saddle sores alright, huge ones. And she was so warm there was no doubt about the fact that she had a fever. Elrond had a portable tub brought into the room and they filled it with warm water. Elrond stroked her waist long hair, it appeared to be less straight than usual elven hair but it was brittle and filled with dust and he had never seen any elf in such a state of dishevelment. He sighed. “ Ghirda, tell me, she is educated I trust?” 

Ghirda snorted. “ Hardly my lord, she does know how to read and write but that is because of the queen, she taught her that when Asya was a child. She has received none official education except the art of being invisible. She is a true master at not being noticed, it was safer that way.” 

Elrond growled and saw that the poor elleth has some strange scars across her back, had she been whipped?!  
Ghirda saw what he was looking at. “ Oh, those. Her husband caused those she told me, when he caught her reading. She had found a secret passage down to the library and he didn’t like the idea of having a smart wife.” 

Elrond rolled his eyes. “Was her husband an idiot?!”

Ghirda just shrugged and helped the healer lift the elleth into the tub very carefully. “ No, a tyrant, and a terrible person. She on the other hand would do anything for him, anything for a kind word, for some respect or even a hint of love.” 

Elrond gestured for two of the assistants to come aid him, she was very skinny but if she managed to eat well she would be normal again rather soon, it was her mental state that worried him the most. “Poor soul, it must have been hell.” 

Ghirda nodded. “ Yes, and she was convinced that she would just switch one hell for another, she has naught but fear for you noldorin elves. It is sad but true.” 

Elrond felt tears burning in his eyes, how could they possibly make things better for this unfortunate soul, he could sense that she probably never had experienced real love or affection at all. “ Were all of the kings family hostile towards her or just the king himself?” 

Ghirda was scrubbing Asya’s feet very carefully. “Well, if being ignored is a sign of hostility then they were hostile, most of them barely knew her name but his youngest son Legolas is a good lad, he was rather friendly towards her, too bad they barely ever meet.” 

Elrond made a grimace, he had heard so too, that Legolas was very different from his father in almost every way. “So the rest of her siblings didn’t care about her?” 

Ghirda sighed and dropped the cloth she had been using, she looked tired. “ They barely knew she exist. She wasn’t allowed near the higher levels of the palace, she had to stay down in the basements and it got worse after she lost her husband. She has been treated like a fly floating in someone’s soup. The king was thrilled by the idea of getting rid of her, she was a nuisance.” 

Elrond could barely believe what he heard, he would never have treated a child of his own loins like that, illegitimate or not. He and the others worked rather hard to remove the grime and muck and after half an hour of scrubbing she was clean, her hair was combed through and the assistants stared at the elleth with teary eyes. She was a sorry sight and Elrond wished that he could have strangled her father.   
Ghirda helped them lifting her out of the tub and they put ointment onto her sores and bandaged her before they got her into a warm night gown. Elrond turned to Ghirda. “ How did she feel about being sent here?” 

Ghirda made a nasty grimace, she petted Asya on her pale hand. “She was terrified, and in denial too. She wasn’t warned, they just came to us and told her she was to be married to some noldorin elf and that she had to leave the next day.” 

Elrond gasped. “The next day?! Valar, didn’t she get more time to prepare?” 

Ghirda shook her head. “No my lord, she was almost thrown out, I bet her father thought good riddance when he saw her leave.” 

Elrond swallowed hard. “Did Thranduil hate his own daughter?” 

Ghirda nodded. “ Oh yes my lord, he hated her for looking like her mother, I have a suspicion that he really loved Asya’s mother and when she died, well, he sort of slipped into the madness zone mentally speaking. He hated being reminded of what he had and lost, nobody was to even mention Asya to him and she has met him on perhaps a handful of occasions.” 

Elrond made the assistants get a stretcher and they carefully carried the unconscious elleth to her rooms. “ Eru’s mercy what a mess. What do you know of her previous marriage?” 

Ghirda seemed to shrink a bit in front of him, she appeared to be a very strong and outspoken person and Elrond felt that he already respected her. There was strength in those blue eyes and a tenderness he felt was genuine. “Very little my lord, she refused to speak of it. But I have of course heard a lot of rumors and I have no idea of whether or not they hold any truth or if they are just lies.” 

They walked with speed towards the building where Asya was to stay until her wedding. “ Tell me what you know.” 

Ghirda took a deep breath. “ Oh gods, where do I start. Well, for starters, her in laws hate her and they would probably wish she was dead, that she is being sent off to be remarried is a kick in the face for them I am sure. They would have loved it if the king had thrown her in the dungeons or let the orcs get her.” 

Elrond was puzzled. “Why? Why hate her?” 

Ghirda helped open the door to the rooms, they had gotten a rather large apartment filled with light and warm colors and it was a very lovely place and rather luxurious. The adeneth made sure that Asya was placed comfortably upon the bed before she answered the question. “ Her husband’s parents had already lost two children, one son in battle and a daughter in childbirth. Their remaining son was their pride and joy, their little gem and he was spoiled beyond imagination. And they put their trust and hope in him, wanted him to give them grandchildren and secure the family line. When she failed to give him children, well, they started to hate her.” 

Elrond frowned. “ I have heard that she suffered a miscarriage? That is highly unusual for an elleth, an elven body shouldn’t have any flaws.” 

He knew that Elladan wanted children, he adored elflings and wanted a huge family and the knowledge that Asya hadn’t managed to give her previous husband children was one of the main reasons why he was so against this union. Elrond found it very strange indeed, when an elleth lost a pregnancy it was usually due to some accident, like a fall or a violent shock.  
Ghirda sighed. “ I wasn’t even born when that happened, it was centuries before my time but she has refused to speak of it, I think it is way too painful for her. She didn’t get pregnant again so I guess she got injured by it.” 

Elrond stared at the adeneth. “Do you know anything about the circumstances? If she got injured I may be able to help her?” 

Ghirda shrugged. “ According to the servants I have spoken with she collapsed very suddenly, screaming in agony and bleeding like a stuck pig. She almost died, had to stay bedridden for almost half a year.” 

Elrond just stared in disbelief. “ Half a year?! From a miscarriage? Was she far along?”

Ghirda shook her head. “From what I have heard she wasn’t even showing yet.” 

Elrond was shocked. “ And she got so sick?” 

Elrond turned around, he felt a creeping suspicion and he got a foul taste in his mouth. “ Did she have any enemies?” 

Ghirda looked confused. “ What do you mean? Of course she had enemies, heck, everybody was her enemy. If the queen hadn’t interfered she would have been left to bleed out I am sure.” 

Elrond was ashen grey. “The reason I ask is that such illness could be the result of poisoning.” 

Ghirda gasped and put her hands in front of her mouth. “ Oh Eru have mercy, of course. That makes sense.” 

Elrond just growled. “ But she is safe here, she will never be abused again and I am sure that we can give her a new start in life.” 

Ghirda sighed. “ If you manage that then may the Valar bless you all, but she is a very damaged elleth my lord, there is darkness in her soul and right now she is teetering on the very edge between insanity and sanity.” 

Elrond sighed and petted the elleth’s hair, she was a pitiful sight and he prayed that she would find the courage to emerge as the bright light he was sure she had been born to be. “ I know Ghirda, now, I will go speak with my son and I will leave one of my assistants here. If there is anything you wish for or want to ask me about do not hesitate to send for me.” 

Ghirda just bowed. “ My lord is too kind, I was being told that the lord of Imladris is a good person and I am very glad to see for myself that this is true.” 

Elrond actually blushed, he nodded and left the room and Ghirda sat down and stared at her lady with sad eyes. “ Oh dear friend, I pray Eru finally has decided to give you a brighter future, I know you think you have risen from the ashes and into the fire, I know you will emerge with the glory and might of a phoenix”


	2. Light awakened

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elladan has begun to Accept the fact that he is to marry Asya, but her past throws long shadows, and then its her Secret, what is she to do about that?

Light awakened

Elrond knew that Elladan probably had gone to the hall of fire with his brother and the healer just hoped that Elladan hadn’t been too shocked by it all. He entered the hall and saw that the twins sat by one of the fireplaces with a glass of wine each, they appeared to be very thoughtful and Elrond sat down in front of them. Elladan avoided meeting his gaze, Elrond knew his son very well and just waited for Elladan to be ready to speak. Elladan stared at his wine, then he swore and put the glass down. “Ada, how can anyone treat their own child thus?!”

Elrond tried to put on a calm face but he couldn’t, it was impossible. “ Because of loss son, because of agony. I think Thranduil is a very tormented person deep within, he blames us for the death of his father but in truth he supported Oropher’s decision to charge without waiting for Gil-Galad’s signal and he is unable to forgive himself. It is easier to blame others than one self.” 

Elladan snarled. “ He is a son of a warg, that is what he is. She looked….help me Eru but she looked like some broken thing, a doll someone has tossed away” 

Elrond sighed. “ I know what you mean son, but I hope that we may be able to patch her back together again. She is very fragile Elladan, she needs understanding and support more than anything else.” 

Elladan stared at his father. “ So I still have to marry her? An elleth who is widowed and probably barren?” 

Elrond stared down at the floor. “ I have spoken with her servant, she was abused by her husband Elladan, I saw whip marks on her back. And the miscarriage? I fear she was poisoned.” 

Elladan just stared at his father. “ Are you freaking serious?!”

Elrond nodded, he bit his lower lip. “ Thranduil wanted to get rid of her, so you were right in those assumptions you have made. She has suffered a lot Dan, do not add to it please.” 

Elladan was leaning forward, he was pale. “ I almost wished that she would be like her father, all haughty and arrogant and despicable, so I could enjoy breaking her. I see how wrong I was thinking thus, but I have no idea of what I am to do now ada, I don’t know how to approach her at all.” 

Elrond smiled gently. “ With kindness Dan, only with that and a huge dose of patience. I bet she is a very good person at the bottom but right now she is scared beyond belief and she will probably have a very hard time believing that we don’t want to hurt her” 

Elladan sighed. “ I still have a hard time believing that any elf is capable of treating their own kin like that, it is unreal ada, just simply unreal.” 

Elrond smiled. “ I feel the same way and I have lived for millennia, I have never seen anything like this before.” 

Elrohir patted his brothers back. “ I will help you Dan, it will be alright in the end, I am sure.” 

Elladan just smiled at his brother, a somewhat sad smile and Elrond was a bit proud of his sons, they were far more mature than one would expect when seeing their youthful faces and hearing about their somewhat immature pranks and lifestyle. He got back onto his feet. “ I will keep an eye on her, I think she may be ready for visitors in a few days.” 

Elladan just sighed and rolled his eyes. “ Oh I can’t wait” 

Elrond pointed a finger at his son. “ There there, no sarcasm now, it is uncouth and below you.” 

Elladan shrugged and took up his glass again. “ Alright, fine, sorry”

Elrond left the hall, he just hoped that she would be able to recover, he was a skilled healer but a wounded fëa was beyond even his skills. It could be that she was to choose the same fate as Elrond’s own wife and sail into the west. It was after all a better alternative than to fade. 

 

The darkness was comforting, it was safety. She remembered the unnumbered times she had sought refuge in the darkest rooms and crevices of the great palace, she was a champion at hiding and she liked to think of herself as a night creature. When the others were asleep she could go exploring, the guards never saw her and she had a sort of freedom for a short time. She would go to the library at night and bring books back to her own small room, read them and return them and it was her one and only joy. But then everything changed, her life turned upside down and she found it weird that she at first had been exited by the idea of the marriage. Perhaps she finally would get a real life, freedom and dignity.  
She had so envied the others, their begetting days were celebrated with huge feasts and they were showered with attention and praise, she wasn’t even allowed to come to those feasts, she had to stay hidden away like some ugly dirty secret. 

She wasn’t allowed to talk with anyone, and she had so much she wanted to talk about, so many questions. The queen would sometimes sneak small packages into her room, new clothes, little trinkets of small value but they were a sign of hope, someone cared. Asya knew that the queen did pity her but there was little she could do, she was the king’s subject more than his wife and had to obey. Asya didn’t want to jeopardize anyone, she preferred to stay in the shadows as always.  
But then it changed, her father’s butler approached her and told her that she was to be married, that her husband to be was the son of one of her father’s generals and that it would happen in a mere week. The shock had been grand, she hadn’t really been able to understand that it was real and in her childlike naivety she thought that things would get better from now on, that she would have a new life, a family and a bright future. She was wrong. 

Her future mother in law had come to her the day after, staring at her as if she was some horse the elleth was contemplating buying. She soon understood that they wanted her to marry that ellon just for the sake of grandchildren, she was to be a broodmare. The idea made her cringe but there was nothing she could do, she was being pushed forth and into the light, into open view and how many the eyes were that stared at her, judgmental and filled with slight disgust.  
She wasn’t tall and fair like the others, she was short and painfully shy and she heard the whispers, claiming that this bastard elleth at least could warm her husbands bed if she didn’t come with riches. She had been standing there, just with her father and her husband’s parents present and she had said her vows but she didn’t really mean them. She sensed it already then, that something about her new husband wasn’t right. 

Asya opened her eyes slowly, she felt very dizzy and confused and then she remembered, she gasped and suddenly she felt Ghirda’s hand touching her own. “ Easy there my lady, you are safe.” 

Asya turned her head, she lay in a bed and it was placed in a very beautiful room, she moaned and wished that she had died. She remembered everything now, how a servant had delivered the message, how she had been forced to leave, to once more be married off like she was some package and not a person. The journey had been hellish since she barely ever had been able to ride and even though she was hurting the guards had refused to stop and let her rest. She could barely remember having arrived though, it was a blur and she could remember a pair of gentle eyes but naught more.  
“Ghirda?” 

The elderly adeneth smiled and petted her cheek. “ I am here my lady, you have been bathed and the healers have looked at your sores, you should be alright soon.” 

Asya tried to make sense of the situation, she didn’t really understand much and she felt tired still, like all her strength had gone. “They washed me?” 

Her voice was barely audible and Ghirda brushed some locks of hair out of her face. “ Yes, but do not worry, the healers here are very professional and very gentle too.” 

Asya moaned, they had seen the scars, she wanted to hide somewhere dark, forever. She swallowed and felt how her eyes were overflowing with tears. “ Oh Ghirda, are they…are they as I have been told?” 

Ghirda scoffed. “ Absolutely not my lady, everybody here is friendly and nobody will treat you with anything but respect. Lord Elrond is such a warm hearted ellon and I am sure you will like him.” 

Asya was trembling, she remembered the gentle eyes that had stared at her with such shock. “His son?” 

Ghirda smiled. “ Strikingly handsome I must say and although he was a bit shocked by your appearance I am sure he will grow to be very fond of you soon enough.” 

Asya sighed, of course he had been shocked, who would really want to marry anything looking as she did? How many times had she not been told she was a freak, an abomination? She had no idea of why they said that, perhaps it was because she was such a short person? She had nothing she could use to defend herself, no allies nor friends except Ghirda and back home Ghirda had been treated as though she was invisible. 

She remembered the few times the queen had been able to talk to her, it was fond memories but the queen had also tried to teach her how to survive in this harsh words. She had been told that an elleth like herself didn’t have the advantage of sharp weapons or a strong and swift body. Her sword and shield had to be her manners and they had to be impeccable. She had to be able to disarm anyone with just a few words, speak so that nobody would be insulted in any way and be just cute and charming and non-threatening. If she had been a usual courtier that would have been enough, and she would have been able to do that and do it well too, but alas, she wasn’t a part of the court at all. 

Her husband hadn’t cared about her good manners at all, he hadn’t cared about her, and that was that. She had been naught but an unwelcome burden and he hadn’t failed to let her know of this from the very beginning. She just knew that this would be just as bad, how could it become any different? Ghirda got up from the chair and went over to a table, she got back carrying a tray of food and Asya moaned. She didn’t want to eat, she didn’t feel like it at all but Ghirda placed a bowl of some sort of salad in front of her and she knew she couldn’t refuse. Refusing food offered to you was an insult, she was so very careful always, she tried to never insult anyone in any possible way. Back home she had been given the food that was left on the tables when the others had been eating and often that wasn’t much at all. She had gotten used to starvation and she was also an expert at using whatever edible things she found in the gardens. 

Her husband had been very greedy and he didn’t like the idea of her spending any money at all, so she had been living in even greater misery than before. She didn’t get to wear anything except from the few gowns she had owned when they got married and they soon became so worn out she was afraid she would become indecent. He did eat rather well but she was left with the scraps and some mocked her and claimed that she looked like some ghost. At times she felt like one too, and she did envy the houseless. 

She sighed and started eating, it did taste very good and she knew that Ghirda wouldn’t accept anything but an empty bowl so she managed to get it all down. Her stomach felt overly full afterwards but Ghirda nodded and gave her a glass of wine mixed with water to flush it all down as she said. The sores didn’t hurt anymore, it was as if they weren’t there at all and she realized that this healer really was very good. Some said he was the best in all of Arda and they were probably right, She had hardly ever seen a healer before, she wasn’t worth the fuss. Ghirda put the bowl away and cocked her head. “We have to do something about your hair, it looks like straw and your skin is so sickly pale. If you are to capture the heart of that gorgeous ellon you will have to work for it I fear.” 

Asya stared down at the blankets covering her, capturing his heart? As if that was even remotely possible, she no longer believed in fairy tales and she had no illusions. He probably hated her already, why wouldn’t he? Her father treated all others like crap and she had heard about the treatment captives received, and noldorin captives more than others. Perhaps it would have been for the best if she was to perish after all, she was sure the dead didn’t suffer. Ghirda continued. “They have good food here and plenty of oils for your hair and skin, I am sure you will look radiant and the closets here are filled with clothes and they are all for you my lady. The days of poverty are over.” 

Asya didn’t like the idea of charity, of being treated as a beggar. She wanted to deserve whatever gifts she was to receive but how could she refuse? She needed new clothes and she needed to look like a normal person in order to fit in. Here there were no dark corridors in which to hide, no lower levels where she could be alone for days. Here she would be exposed to the light and she feared it, she feared what they would see when they watched her. She feared being regarded with the same cold judgmental eyes she was so accustomed to facing back home. After all, she was just a silvan half breed. 

She felt sleepy after a while and Ghirda let her rest until the evening meal, it was brought there by a couple of servants who actually smiled to her and not in a creepy way. It was a weird experience indeed, normally she was treated as if she was as welcome as dog shit on a boot. The dishes were obviously made for her in special because it was very fatty food and it was also very tempting. A sort of broth with bread to it and a pudding that both sweet and nutty and very good. She hadn’t eaten that much in one day for years. 

She had finished and sat there feeling a bit stuffed when the door opened and a friendly looking ellon entered, she remembered him, the eyes. This had to be the lord of Imladris and she tried to bow where she lay, he smiled and shook his head. “ No my lady, just remain as you are. I see you have eaten well? I am very glad you have some appetite, we will but some flesh onto those bones in no time.” 

Asya tried to smile, she had always been too thin, but perhaps that could change now? “I am most grateful my lord” 

She didn’t look at him as she spoke and she tried to keep her face pressed into that sweet but empty smile that was her preferred mask to wear. Elrond saw the expression on her face, she was obviously trained to hide her real emotions, to guard herself with courtesies and benign chatter and a submissive behavior. It was too bad, her real personality was so hard to see behind it all. He sat down next to the bed. “ The sores will be gone in a couple of days, I think you may leave the bed then, there is very much you need to see here, and many are eager to meet you.” 

She stared at him for a few seconds. “Why?” 

Elrond smiled, he heard the confusion in her voice, oh that bastard of a father, she had no belief in her own value at all. “ Well, everybody is excited to meet someone of a realm of which we know so little. “ 

Asya sighed, “ I don’t know much either, I wasn’t allowed to learn anything.” 

Elrond had had a rather heated conversation with the captain of his guards, Glorfindel, when they accepted the peace treaty. Glorfindel feared that the elleth would be sent there to spy on her father’s behalf and later when they learned who she was he claimed that Thranduil chose her just because she didn’t know anything about the Mirkwood army or defenses which Imladris later could use to their advantages. Elrond knew that Asya was completely oblivious of such devious thoughts and ideas, she knew next to nothing about anything really. 

He pulled a couple of books from his pocket and laid them on the bed next to her. “ Ghirda told me you like to read. These are historical books, they tell the tales of Gondolin and Nargothrond, they are old and valuable but I trust you will treat them with respect. Just let me know when you are finished reading them and I will get you some new.” 

Asya just stared at him. “ I….” 

Elrond smiled at her, the confusion was obvious. “ Yes Asya?” 

She managed to get a grasp on herself. “ I am allowed to read?”

Elrond nodded. “ Of course you are allowed to read, here you may read as much as you like, we have books in almost every possible category so I am sure you will find a lot suiting your taste.” 

Asya swallowed hard, she stared at the books, knowledge, oh how she hungered for it. “Really? You are not joking?” 

Her voice was very low and Elrond saw that she didn’t quite trust that this wasn’t some cruel prank, he shook his head in sorrow. She didn’t trust anyone now did she, poor thing. “ I am not joking Asya, forget everything you have learned before, this is a new start for you, look ahead and try to forget the past.” 

Ghirda cleared away the empty bowls and Elrond smiled and took her hand. “ I couldn’t help but seeing that you are very underweight, didn’t you feel like eating after you lost your husband?” 

Asya stared at the floor, her eyes filling with tears. “ I have never had much food my lord, I have always been thin.” 

Elrond stared at her face with keen eyes, she had been starving for most of her life, it was rather apparent. If she had been this thin when she was married then it was no wonder there had been no children born, her body was too weak to conceive. “Here you will never have to starve again Asya, you can have all the food you like.” 

Asya stared at Elrond and a question pushed itself forth, she bit her lower lip. “ My lord, I…I am very fond of…apples.” 

Elrond chuckled. “Then I will warn the servants of this and make sure you have plenty of apples brought to your rooms every day. “ 

She looked as if she didn’t really believe what she just had been told. She loved apples but the only times she had been able to enjoy such a treat was when some guard had taken pity on her and shared an apple with her. “Thank you my lord” 

She could barely believe the kindness they showed her and she was starting to fear that this was some unusually nice dream and she feared waking up.  
Elrond petted her hand, he did notice that she had some unusual callouses on them and he got curious. “ I see that you are used to using your hands?” 

Asya blushed. “ I have been given some tasks yes, I scrub the wine barrels clean of residue before they are sent down the river and I do also make baskets, I weave them from thin roots.” 

Elrond looked shocked for a moment, that was hardly work for anyone of royal blood but then again, she was being treated like a slave so why not give her the kind of work a slave might have to do. At least she knew what real work was, it couldn’t be a bad thing after all. “You won’t have to do such hard labor here.” 

She didn’t seem to believe what he was saying and Elrond tried to smile as encouraging as he could. “ I am sure my son will appreciate having a wife capable of working but it is not needed.” 

Asya became pale again, Elrond could have smacked himself. He shouldn’t have mentioned Elladan at all, now she was all scared again.  
He tried to patch things together again. “ If you continue to eat and do as you are told I am sure you soon will outshine every lady here in Imladris.” 

Asya snorted. “ As if that ever will be possible, I am just…a Silvan half breed.”

Elrond pressed his lips together. “ Do not ever think of your heritage that way Asya, it is what makes you unique, what gives you strength. If your father truly had so little respect for the Silvan he would never have agreed on becoming their king when his father died and he wouldn’t have wanted your mother as his lover.” 

Asya sighed, she stared at her own hands. “But it is true, I am nothing, nobody.” 

Elrond felt like shaking the truth into her but he couldn’t. “ Asya, listen to me. You are not nobody, you are a very unhappy elleth with a terrible past but I swear, that past will be like a bad dream whence you get used to Imladris. We will all try to make you happy here, believe me.” 

Asya just stared at him, those huge jade green eyes were filled with disbelief.  
Elrond felt like changing the subject, he took her hand and it immediately started to shiver. “ You didn’t have a very happy marriage now did you?” 

Asya trembled, she bit her lower lip. “No my lord.” 

Elrond wished that he could have hugged her, for comfort, the way he would hug Arwen when she was upset about something or sad. She was visiting her grandparents for the moment and Elrond was a bit sad about that, Arwen was young and very wise for her years, she could perhaps have reached this elleth in a way he couldn’t. “Your husband was abusive?” 

Asya didn’t want to answer but she felt as though she had to, she could not hide her past from these gentle and yet so very piercing eyes. “ Yes my lord…he disliked me and…I wasn’t good enough…” 

Elrond sighed. “ You didn’t bear him children right? If you were as thin then as you are now that is no wonder.” 

Asya fell silent, there she was, caught by that secret she had sworn to uphold, the secret she had kept for decades, the truth that never could be told. “I guess so.” 

That was all she could say and Elrond smiled and felt how the pity he felt made his heart swell. “Do not worry Asya, when you have been here for a few months I am sure you will be able to have all the children you could ever ask for.” 

Asya felt somewhat torn by that information, she wanted children, she adored them and a real family was her ultimate dream but then she would have to reveal the secret. How was she to ever do that? How was she to tell the truth? Not even Ghirda knew of it, of what she had hidden for so many years.  
Elrond sighed. “ I know your in laws hated you, I wish I could show those idiots that this wasn’t your fault. “ 

Asya felt like crying, nobody had ever talked to her thus, so kindly. “They blamed me, for everything.” 

Elrond stared, his eyes narrow. “ Asya, how did your husband die? I heard it was an accident so how could they blame you?” 

She took a deep breath. “ He was helping out unloading some wine barrels, they were full and very heavy and something spooked the horse and it reared, a barrel fell from the carriage and hit him, he broke his neck” 

Elrond shook his head. “ Tragic but truly nothing anybody can be blamed for.” 

Asya sighed and closed her eyes. “ And yet they did, I wasn’t a good wife in my mother in laws eyes, I would have kept him at home with me if I were, or so she believed.” 

Elrond tried to think rationally. “ She was grieving, people say a lot they don’t really mean in such situations.” 

Asya almost sneered. “Oh but she meant it, every single word. “ 

She remembered it clearly, Asya had to show up in the funeral, she had been wearing her best gown and it was worse than even the things the servants would wear. She had been in a sort of shock still, not really believing that he was gone. She had heard her mother in law spewing out harsh words, words filled with resentment and hatred. “ How dare she show her face here, how dare she be here? If it wasn’t for this sorry excuse for an elleth my son would be alive, he wouldn’t have been out there working like some commoner but stayed at home with his children as everybody should.” 

Elrond held her hand gently. “Forget about them, they cannot reach you here. My son will be nothing like that idiot you married back then, he is a very nice person.” 

Asya tried to smile. “ I hope so.” 

Elrond got up. “Rest now and make sure that you eat a lot. I will send him over to meet you tomorrow, you should get to know each other.” 

Asya sighed. As if that would change anything? She still had problems trusting these noldorin elves and she felt like a black sheep in a herd of white ones. Ghirda rearranged her blankets and Elrond left the room after having made sure that they didn’t lack anything. Ghirda sat down next to Asya and there was hope in her eyes. “ Asya, see this as a new opportunity. Your father have done you a favor with this, he didn’t mean for it to be thus but it is what it is You may have a much happier future now.” 

Asya tried to nod, she felt dizzy, it was all so very much for her. “ I just hope that…” 

Ghirda smiled at her. “ Yes dear?” 

Asya made a grimace, she couldn’t tell, no, not yet, not ever, but eventually she would have to let someone know, her new husband at least. “ That he will be more…kind…than Galaron.” 

Ghirda found a brush and started brushing her hair. “ Oh I am sure he will be my dear, if he is anything like his father you have naught to fear.” 

Asya leaned forward so Ghirda could reach all of her hair. “ I know father looked down at Elrond and his family, since they have some mortal blood, he think they are weak and tainted and corrupted somehow. But I start to suspect that it is the other way around” 

Ghirda grinned widely. “ Asya, you are very clever, your father is haughty and he thinks the world of himself and his own blood. After all he is related to Elu Thingol and hasn’t forgotten that. But let me tell you this Asya, true nobility lays within the heart, not in your pedigree. Remember this” 

Asya just nodded. “ I will remember.” 

Ghirda continued brushing her hair until it felt much smoother than before and then the two went to rest for the night. A servant had come with a whole bowl of apples and other fruit and Asya had eaten two apples, she had hardly ever tasted anything that delicious. 

The morning came with mist and a sharp humid cold that made even the elves shudder, but it would soon be chased away by the suns warm rays. There were elves going to do their daily work and the valley was teeming with life. Some merchants had arrived that very morning with a carriage with cloth and Elrond and Erestor was discussing the prize and actually having great fun doing that. 

Elladan had woken up feeling a bit unwell, he hadn’t slept too well and he felt that this day could become both very nice and the exact opposite. He took a bath and put on some rather anonymous clothes, Elrohir was to follow Glorfindel out to the borders to look for orcs and he would much rather have followed them than baby-sitting that elleth. He didn’t really know how he felt about her yet, he did pity her but at the same time he was unable to forget just who she was. And she did look so fragile, so haunted. He could barely start to imagine how she had been able to survive, perhaps she was more than a bit mad as a result of her rather dark past? Most he knew would have faded from such a life but if that was all she had ever known it had perhaps appeared as normal to her. 

He went to the hall and got some breakfast, he had little appetite but knew he had to eat. He listened to the other elves chatting away around him, more than one was talking about his wife to be and he heard that most talked about her with true compassion and pity. He sighed, he ought to be proud of this chance to serve his realm, to do his duty. But he was a warrior, he was not cut out to be a husband, the valar knew that he much rather would fight than court this elleth. He finished his breakfast and gathered his courage, he went over to her rooms and knocked on the door. He heard the adeneth answer and he entered feeling like an intruder. Ghirda smiled at him, she was a very maternal woman and he felt strangely at ease with her near. There was nothing except love in the heart and soul of this gentle being and he knew that Ghirda was what had saved Asya from fading, his instincts told him so. “Welcome, the lady is awake, we just had some breakfast.” 

Elladan saw that Asya still was in the bed, she sat up straight leaned against some huge pillows and she was wearing a dressing gown over her nightgown. She looked a little better but she was still pale and she looked nervous as he approached her and sat down by the bed. Ghirda was grinning and she was removing some trays and cups. “ I trust that you find the apartment to your liking my lady?” 

He tried to sound calm and sincere and she blushed nodded. She looked like a timid child, expecting to be punished if she did anything wrong. “ They are very nice thank you, I have never had such a nice bed or clothes before.” 

Elladan tilted his head, he frowned. “ No? Where did you live back in Eryn Galen?” 

Asya couldn’t look at him, she felt so terribly afraid of him because she sensed that this ellon was a heck of a lot stronger than Galaron ever had been and he was much more handsome and masculine too. Galaron had been pretty, with emphasis on just the word pretty. He had been extremely feminine to say the truth and here she was with an ellon who was the exact opposite from that again. “I…I had a small closet in the basement, with a bedroll and a basket for my things.”

Elladan just stared. “ My lady, tell me you are kidding me?” 

She shook her head. “ No, I am not. I wasn’t worthy of a real room, the servants were treated with respect, I wasn’t.” 

Elladan swallowed hard, he stared at her face. No, there was naught there of her father’s features, Thranduil was well known for his almost angelic beauty, this elleth had rather sharp features, a triangular face with high cheekbones and a small but strong nose and huge almond shaped eyes in a color that reminded him of jade and forest moss. Her hair was rather terrible though and her skin was almost translucent, he hoped she would regain her health soon. She did somehow remind him of a fox or perhaps a lynx, there was something almost feline about her features and he found her a bit intriguing after all. “ I am very sorry to hear that, but be assured, here you will be treated as a true lady.” 

Asya blushed and he saw that she had incredibly long and dense eyelashes, there was something about the frailty of her that triggered his protective instincts. “ I am very grateful my lord.”

Elladan scoffed. “ Please, don’t call me that, after all we are to get married are we not, I am Elladan, or even Dan.” 

She looked a bit shocked, she had probably never been allowed to be this informal with anyone. “A…alright, you…you have a twin I have heard?” 

She tried to keep up a polite conversation, as she had been taught to do, he nodded and smiled at her. “ Yes, but you will be able to separate between us. Elrohir is the one wearing an earring. I am not.” 

Asya cringed. “ Oh, that sounds…painful.” 

Elladan nodded and grinned widely. “ Oh but it was, he lost a bet and had to have his ear pierced, he yelled so bad the entire valley heard it, well, perhaps not the outer borders but many thought that we were attacked by ringwraiths or something like that.” 

Asya swallowed, she stared at him with huge eyes. He was behaving like a very outspoken and merry person and she hadn’t expected that at all. She had imagined that Noldorin elves were all gloomy and pious and looking down at everybody who wasn’t exactly like themselves. “Our warriors do get themselves tattoos.” 

She had seen a few of the guards wearing that sort of art and Elladan nodded. “I know, it is a Silvan custom right? Ada would explode if he knew but I do have a tattoo.” 

Asya blinked. “ You do? But…”

Elladan felt more at ease now, it was like talking to some very naïve child but she wasn’t unintelligent at all, just ignorant. “ Also a bet that was lost, but I would like more, some of those the Mirkwood warriors wear are gorgeous.” 

Asya cringed. “ Doesn’t it hurt?” 

He just shrugged. “ Yes, but it is worth it.” 

She tried to smile as she had been taught to do, to be as polite as possible. “Ah, what sort of a tattoo do you have my lord, ah, Elladan?” 

He leaned over and whispered to her. “ A wolfs head, I’ll let you see it, someday.” 

She had to giggle and then she froze and winced as if she was afraid that it would earn her some sort of punishment. He realized that she indeed had to have been abused to react thus. He smiled and pretended as if nothing had happened, he liked to see her smile, there was something very endearing about her face when she smiled. He gestured towards the books laying by the bed. “Have you managed to read anything yet?” 

She nodded, all tense and suspicious, she feared that his reaction would be like her late husbands. “ I…I have just read a few pages.” 

Elladan reached out, grasped her hand and it was so small and cold, it sort of melted his heart. Those huge doe eyes had a lot of potential power but she was oblivious to that fact. Elladan simply wished that her former husband hadn’t been dead, he would have loved to kill the bastard, slowly! A broken neck was a way too kind exit from this world for someone like that. “I am glad you like reading Asya, I do too. I don’t have much time for it though but I try to enjoy a good book every now and then. “ 

She barely whispered. “ You do?” 

He nodded. “ I have some favorites, I could let you borrow them if you like?” 

She nodded eagerly and she had to smile, the thrill in her eyes was contagious. He caressed her hand in a soothing manner. “ I was told your late husband didn’t like that you were reading?” 

She nodded, eyes cast down and lower lip trembling. Gods, she was really such a fragile looking thing, but there was a spark within her, he could sense it. “ No, I wasn’t to do anything except serving him, in every possible way. He was so spoiled. He caught me reading once and…punished me.” 

Elladan had to close his eyes. “ He whipped you?” 

She nodded, the memory was still almost burning in her mind. He had grasped her by the neck, tossed the book she had been reading into the fireplace and then he threw her onto the couch and whipped her with his belt. She had been bleeding and her skin had gotten so torn but she wasn’t allowed to go see a healer. Thus she was still scarred and she had feared that he would kill her in his anger. “ He did.” 

Elladan held her hand, tried to look as compassionate as he could even though he was boiling within. “ Asya, your husband must have been mad, no ellon would ever hurt an elleth like that, I hope you know that?” 

She just nodded, felt how tears filled her eyes once more. “ I know, yes, he was mad. He just exploded if you questioned him in any way and everything had to be in order at all times. He was obsessed with tidiness.”  
Elladan sighed. “Like I said, quite crazy, and spoiled. A nasty combination for sure.” 

Asya was pale and Elladan picked up one of the books, he wanted to change the subject before he caused her more grief and he already knew that she had been through hell. “I have read this many times, there are some very nice poems in it, may I read them to you?” 

Asya saw that Ghirda was grinning from one ear to the other from her seat by the fireplace, she turned to Elladan and nodded slowly. “ Yes please, I would like that very much.” 

He opened the book and hoped that she really meant it, that she wasn’t just being nice to avoid being punished. The poems were very nice and written by some Gondolin poet he knew for a fact that Glorfindel had known rather well. He started reading and Asya pulled her legs up and just listened, she was taking it all in with the curiosity and eagerness of a child and his heart wept for her. He suspected that she knew close to naught about the world except from the few things she had been able to read about. 

They spent the entire first half of the day like that, he was reading out loud and she was thawing slowly, he discovered that she felt more safe when he was acting in that slightly immature way his father often scoffed at. So he made silly jokes, told her weird stories and a lot of gossip and she sat there and blushed and he felt like he had won a great victory each time she dared to laugh. There couldn’t have been that much laughter in her life up to then, if any at all. 

Ghirda prepared a meal and they ate it there, she suddenly had an appetite, she forgot about everything because it was so interesting sitting there listening to what he told her. There was so much she was dying to know more about and he was answering her questions without getting annoyed or angry. It was such a rare thing for her and she didn’t realize that she had finished her plate before she looked down and saw that it was empty. She blushed and he smiled. “ You deserve it you know, eat all you want to.” 

She dared to make a joke. “ You are not afraid I will get fat?” 

Elladan just snorted. “ Fat? I have never seen a fat elf in my life and I am sure I never will. If you had been an adeneth on the other hand then maybe. I was once far south and some tribes there doesn’t find a female attractive unless her rear is so wide she looks like a horse from behind!” 

Asya gasped. “ Is that true, their …butts…get that wide?”

He showed her by stretching his arms out. “ Oh yes, the more the merrier.” 

She giggled and Ghirda removed the used plates. “ I am sure you should have gotten a bath now my lady but do keep talking, it is wonderful seeing you smile.” 

Elladan raised an eyebrow. “ I shouldn’t interfere with the daily routines ladies?” 

Ghirda just waved her hand. “Oh nonsense, she can take a bath later tonight. Keep talking, I haven’t seen her smile like that for years upon years.” 

Asya just blushed and Elladan picked up the book again. “ Alright, now, this poem caused an uproar when it was published.” 

Asya frowned and pulled her blanket tighter around her shoulders, it felt so weird sitting there with an ellon, talking like that without being afraid of getting yelled at or worse. “Why?” 

Elladan sent her a wink. “Because the name of the female in this poem also was the name of the king’s favorite mare, some got a bit confused.” 

Asya didn’t understand at first but when she did she went beet red and giggled with her mouth hidden behind her hands. Elladan just grinned and started reading. 

They stayed there for the entire day, when the sunlight faded away Elladan had to leave but he promised that he would give her a tour of Imladris as soon as she was strong enough to go for a walk. Ghirda did give Asya a bath and the sensation of hot water was incredible. At home she had bathed in the river or in the many small waterfalls within the caves, it had been ice cold and she had only done it when she had to. Galaron had insisted that she bathed at least once a day because he hated any sort of odors but she wasn’t allowed to heat water, it was too expensive to get firewood for that purpose. He went to the public baths rather often and enjoyed warm water, massages and ointments, she wasn’t allowed to leave his rooms at all. 

Asya found that she was thinking about Elladan that night, he had been kind to her and she felt that she could trust him, but could she tell him the secret? Galaron was after all dead but would Elladan even believe her, would he understand why she had kept it all hidden for so long? It was so very hard to understand after all. She just hoped that Elladan didn’t reveal any hidden flaws within his character, as had Galaron. 

 

The next day one of the healers came to check on her sores, they were almost completely gone and she was allowed to leave the bed. Her legs were still a bit weak but she was able to walk and Ghirda braided her hair and got her into a rather nice gown in a dark copper tone that brought out the hue of her own hair in a very nice way. Asya felt almost silly, she had never worn anything that pretty before. Ghirda made sure that Asya ate as often as she possibly could, the food there was so delicious she couldn’t resist any of it. Her previously starved body was reacting in the only way it could, with ferocious hunger in order to replenish the reserves it had lost years ago. 

Ghirda let her sit outside on the balcony for a few hours to read and get some sunlight before they were to meet Elladan to get the tour of the area he had promised them. Asya knew that she was supposed to read but she couldn’t, the sight of the valley was so captivating and she had never seen a more wonderful place before. The colors and scents and the beauty of the buildings were close to overwhelming for someone used to darkness and hiding. She watched the elves that walked by with curiosity, she listened to the whinnying of horses from the stable area and the distant thunder of several waterfalls. It was so new to her and so refreshing in a way. Perhaps this really could be a new start, perhaps there was hope after all.


	3. Light unleashed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting better between Asya and Elladan and they are slowly becoming friends but can they ever become more than just that? what is it that she is hiding?

Light unleashed

Elladan had talked with both his brother and Glorfindel before they left for the borders, Elrohir was glad Elladan had gotten along so well with Asya and he already knew that Elladan in some ways had accepted the marriage already. Elladan was all about protection, he always wanted to protect his loved ones and those he cared about and he was obviously already ready to fiercely protect Asya against her own dark memories. Glorfindel was still a bit suspicious against her and Elrohir had to grin thinking about how Elladan immediately had started defending her. Yes, his brother was falling and fast too, Elrohir couldn’t have been more happy. 

Elladan picked up the two females at noon, Asya looked very sweet that day and he saw that she wasn’t as pale anymore. Her body was recovering rather fast and it was a good sign. He held her arm as he told her about the valley and its inhabitants and he was careful not to raise his voice or say anything she could misinterpret as criticism. She was so afraid of that, she still winced if she heard sudden sounds and if he moved to suddenly. It was very obvious that she had been hurt more than once and she had very little belief in her own skills and worth. 

They would take breaks rather often and Elladan had made sure that she wouldn’t meet too many new faces at once. He introduced her to the others there slowly, one at a time. She met Erestor and was charmed by his promise of letting her have free access to the library. Lindir promised to write her a nice ballad and also the others there were very welcoming and friendly. Asya had never imagined that there were so many nice people in the world, she was used to being treated like trash. She got fascinated by some ellith who had gathered by one of the fountains with their weaves and she was giggling like a child when one of them let her try to weave something. The ellith stared at Elladan with sad eyes, female intuition cannot be fooled, they all sensed what she had been through. He knew that they soon would spread the word, Asya would be treated with the outmost care until she was fully recovered. 

They went to the stables before the evening meal, it was the last part of Imladris they hadn’t been to yet and he discovered that Asya was afraid of horses. She had barely ever ridden and he had to admit with a sigh that they had quite a job to do before she was able to fully function as a part of their community. But Elladan was prepared to help her, he wanted to remove the fear from her eyes and make her more confident and strong. They went to the hall to eat after the visit to the stable and she was in awe of everything, her eyes wide with wonder and when she forgot about her fear and the shadows chasing her she acted like a child, full of awe at the world and so trusting and innocent it almost hurt the soul watching her. 

Elladan wondered what she could have been like if she hadn’t been treated the way she had, he had a suspicion that she would have been absolutely radiant. The servants seemed to love her right away because of her obvious gratitude whenever they brought her even the smallest thing and it seemed that everybody had been warned about her nervousness because there was no shouting or people rushing by in a hurry. Elladan was starting to enjoy spending time with her, he liked her curiosity and the way she almost devoured every little piece of information, when some minstrels lead by Lindir sat down to play some music she was almost moved to tears and she laughed so heartily by some jokes one of Elladan’s friends told her. She was a rather outspoken and funny person at the bottom, he was rather sure of it. He was looking forward to getting to know who she really was underneath the veneer of fear and distrust. 

He followed her back to her rooms later on, and he did dare to kiss her hand very gently, she giggled and blushed and found it rather awkward but at the same time it did make her heart speed up and she felt a bit strange. Ghirda was after all very right when she claimed that Elladan was handsome and Asya had noticed more and more differences between him and her late husband. Galaron had been willowy and very thin, he didn’t have much muscles for someone who was the son of a general, she had anticipated that he was to be a soldier like his father but he was aiming to become a scholar of all things, and that was obvious. He was almost allergic to breaking a sweat, and extremely vain too. 

She looked at Elladan and saw how the muscles made the fabric of his clothes stretch each time he moved, how he reminded her of a wolf somehow with those grey eyes and sharp features. He was way more attractive than Galaron ever had been in spite of the pretty face. A beautiful face can cover up a hideous personality and in Galaron’s case that was exactly the truth. She couldn’t believe that she had tried so hard to gain his affection, she had lied to everybody, hid the secret for so long. She had carried the burden, gotten the blame, endured the stares and accusations while he had walked free, impeccable and without a scratch to his reputation. She had been blind, no, desperate. That was the truth and it was such a sad one too. Elladan wouldn’t treat her like that, she was very sure of that. She fell asleep with a sense of hope that evening. 

The next day Elladan was busy with some important work and so they couldn’t meet and that made her feel a little disappointed but she knew that he couldn’t help it. He had duties and she had to try and get familiarized with the place on her own. She and Ghirda sat on the balcony reading for most of the day and then they went for a small stroll through Celebrian’s garden which was being kept in impeccable condition. Asya had never seen that many flowers before, she had no idea of what even half of them were and when they met the gardener responsible for the garden she asked and before long she had a new friend there. 

They walked to the main square afterwards and Ghirda got Asya some candy from a salesman who used to sell sweets from a wheelbarrel. Asya had barely ever tasted candy, the queen had snuck some to her on occasion and Legolas had too but it had been just small pieces and she had barely been able to feel the taste. This on the other hand was delicious and she enjoyed it immensely. The downside was that she got a sugar high and was unable to sleep so she spent many hours reading instead. She had gotten some books from the library and she was almost ecstatic thinking about all the books down there, books she was allowed to read. Just that made coming there all worth it. 

She didn’t get to meet Elladan for several days, there had been some sort of fight by the borders and he had to go there to help out and Asya found that she was worried about him, she found that she missed his company. He was so unlike the other ellyn she had met in her life, perhaps except her half-brother Legolas but she had met him only a few times and she had never gotten the chance to truly get to know him. She remembered her father in law, stern, strict, with a gaze that could pierce steel or so it seemed and a booming voice that always had made her shiver. It was as if every word he ever spoke was an accusation, and she had automatically tried to remember what it was that she had done wrong this time. 

Ghirda was very pleased with Asya’s progress, she had put on weight already and the bones were no longer visible in her shoulders, she started looking more normal and she had gotten some color back too. The brittle and dry hair was starting to regain its shine and smoothness and Ghirda was feeding the elleth all the food that Elrond had delivered at their door. It was a diet carefully planned to strengthen her body and Elrond dropped by every now and then too and he was also very pleased by the changes he could see. She was still timid and she hardly ever dared to speak unless spoken to but some of the fear was gone from her eyes and she even dared to ask him questions about healing and the history of the place. Elrond was happy to comply and told her a lot and he started to ask questions back, very subtle ones that before long revealed that she was starting to trust his son, and that she in fact liked him.   
Elrond was in fact considering moving the wedding, it was an unusual situation and he didn’t think that it was necessary to wait for a whole year. He suspected that she would need the safety of the union to really break free from the chains the past had thrown onto her. Being wedded was in some ways reassuring, whence it was done her father could never reclaim her and she would be safe forever. He was contemplating asking Elladan rather soon. 

Elladan was a bit annoyed by the fact that he hadn’t been able to see her for days, he was making plans and he had an idea of a perfect little date. There was a place in the woods he really loved and he was sure that she would love it too. He was stunned when he came to her rooms to pick her up, she had changed so much. There was a new roundness to her face that was very attractive and she had lost that gaunt haunted look. She blushed when she saw him and giggled and he smiled and kissed her hand again. He had brought a pick-nick basket and she grasped his hand without even hesitating. Ghirda was to stay at home this day and Asya was a bit uncertain about how proper it was to leave home without a chaperone but then again, she was a widow, nobody would think about her honor since she had none to speak of. 

Elladan had come to a conclusion now, it had taken a lot of thinking and a lot of soul searching but he had to be honest with himself, he cared about her. He liked spending time with her, felt sad when he didn’t have the opportunity to do so and he felt a strange sensation of belonging when he was with her, there was a truth there, one he couldn’t deny. The valar had most certainly been interfering in their fate for he just knew for certain that Asya and he was meant for each other, that they were soul mates. 

They walked along the main river and then they turned east and into a small side canyon where a holt of very tall trees grew. It was a rather magical place and Asya was in awe of it. She had been allowed to go outside of the palace only on a very few occasions and she had never been into the deep woods, just in the area surrounding the palace. This was so different, so very lively and filled with light. She saw birds and deer and other animals too and she was soon dancing through the grass like some elfling. Elladan had to smile, she was so adorable like that, he felt his heart fluttering in his chest and he started to realize that he by now knew exactly what Beren had felt when he saw Luthien dancing in the forest. It was like watching something divine, something out of this world. 

She was laughing and tried to catch some butterflies, then she chased after some rather annoyed squirrels before she stopped by a brook to cool off her feet. She had no breaks whatsoever, when she felt safe and relaxed she embraced life itself with such a ferocity it made him rather humble. To think that this maybe was the first time she was allowed to just run around and explore like that was heartbreaking. She sat down on the grass to catch her breath, eyes shining and he was staring like he was hypnotized at her shiny white teeth. “It is so strange you know, to be able to roam around in the woods without worrying about spiders or orcs or other foul things.” 

He heard the amazement in her voice and nodded. “ I bet it is yes, but this valley is safe. You can do whatever you please here. “ 

She sighed and closed her eyes, let the sunlight warm her face and Elladan found that he wanted to kiss her, he didn’t know if he dared to though. He watched as she lay down among the flowers, arms stretched up over her head and a dreamy expression on her face. “ Know what? When I was a child I dreamed of becoming an eagle, so I could fly away, just drift with the winds and see the world.” 

Elladan smiled but there was sadness in his eyes. “ I am so sorry your wings got clipped Asya, but here they may grow back” 

She grinned and stared up at the skies. “They already are Dan, I have hope again now.” 

He laid down next to her, staring at the same clouds. “ My brother and I used to do this when we were elflings, we never saw the same things though, the clouds always looked different to us.” 

Asya giggled. “Well that big fluffy one over there is most definitely an onion, and that long one a cucumber, and that to the left, hmm, I think it is a fistful of grapes.” 

Elladan chuckled. “ Is all you see food?” 

She made a grimace. “ Yes, but food is all I can think about though, I am eating like a pig. “ 

Elladan turned towards her. “ As long as you don’t grow a tail or a snout that is alright with me.” 

She grinned. “ Do you like me Dan, please answer me honestly.” 

There was something very pleading in her voice, something almost fragile and he took her hand and stared at her face with sincerity written all over his handsome features. “I do Asya, I like you a lot, more than a lot even.” 

She blushed and hid her face behind her hands. “ You do? For real?” 

He nodded. “ For real Asya. I must admit that when ada told me about the deal he had struck with your father I was so angry I wanted to explode, but now I see things differently.” 

She turned towards him too. “So, what has changed`” 

He reached out and let a finger slide through locks of silky hair. “ I have come to realize that the Valar most certainly have meant for us to meet, for I am sure now that you…” 

She looked at him, such trust in those eyes, such innocence. “ Yes, that I?” 

He leaned forth and let his hand slide along her jawline, she gasped and her eyes got wide again. “ You are my one Asya, I just know it.” 

Then he got even closer, pressed a gentle kiss to her lips and she trembled but didn’t pull away, she just let out a small squeak and when he let go of her she was beet red and she looked both shocked and intrigued. “ I…I think you are right Dan, I…I like you too.” 

He felt a jolt of pure joy shoot through his very being and he took her hand. “ I am very glad to hear that, I know it is custom to wait for a year but I don’t think they will mind at all if we decide to get married sooner.” 

She blushed but she did also go a little pale and he saw something akin to doubt in her eyes, why? He kissed her hand, felt it shiver. “ Asya, what is it? What is bothering you, we can wait for as long as you wish, all I care about is your happiness.” 

She gasped, he saw her chest heave and he was suddenly afraid that he had upset her somehow, that he had frightened her. What had he done to trigger such a reaction? Then it struck him like a thunderbolt, she had been abused by her previous husband, what if he had been abusive in bed as well? The very idea of her being violated thus made him burn with rage but he had to control it, he had to reassure her of his honest intents. He would never hurt her, ever. “ Asya, look at me, don’t be afraid, I am not Galaron remember?” 

She almost sobbed. “ I know!” 

Elladan took a deep breath. “ Asya, was he… did he… force you to do things you didn’t like?” 

She turned her face away from him, tears in her eyes. “ Please, I don’t want to talk about it, not now.” 

He heard the hurt in her voice and his insides felt as though they were made from liquid lava, he could have murdered that son of a bitch. His voice did tremble when he calmed down enough to answer her. “ Asya, I will never do anything like that, I swear. I cannot lie to you, I do want you, I want to hold you, make love to you and give you naught but pleasure but believe me when I say that I can wait, I can wait Asya, until you feel safe with me.” 

She just sobbed again and then she suddenly pressed her face against his neck, hiding there. He put his arms around her, very gently. He was moved by her sudden act of trust but also enraged by the idea of what she had had to endure. He stroked her hair and kept mumbling endearments and soothing words to her and after a while she relaxed and he heard how her breath became normal again. “ He wasn’t normal you know.” 

He almost started, her voice came so suddenly and he hadn’t expected her to speak. “ I am not shocked.” 

He kept stroking her hair and she sniffed. “ I was so excited when we got married, I hadn’t even met him before but I had such dreams, such hopes. It would all be so different, so much better. How wrong I was.” 

He kissed her brow, shook her in his arms as he would a scared elfling. “I had no idea of what he really was.” 

Elladan closed his eyes, her voice was thin, trembling, filled with the shock of a soul suddenly forced to experience something for which it was completely unprepared. “You don’t have to speak about it Asya, it is hurting you and I cannot bare to see your agony.” 

She sighed and grasped onto him, she was clinging to him like a child clings to a parent. “Dan, there is something you don’t know about me, something I haven’t told anyone. I have lied Elladan, to everybody, even to Ghirda. Just because, just because I wanted him to like me, to…to treat me with some kindness, and because I was a coward, so afraid of what I knew.” 

He froze, stared down at her face and she stared back, huge green eyes filled with tears and regret. “Meleth, I am sure it is alright, whatever it is.” 

She squirmed, her face contorted by agony. “ I bore the blame Dan, I took it onto me when the one who should be blamed was him, just so that he wouldn’t….just so they wouldn’t expose him, so that nobody would see the truth, see what he really was.” 

Elladan frowned. “ Whoa there, what are you talking about Asya?” 

She closed her eyes. “ Listen carefully my love, because I cannot stand the thought of telling this twice. It is too…gruesome.” 

He swallowed hard, knew that he really didn’t want to hear this but he had to, if he was to save her from the darkness of her past he had to know the truth. He had no idea of what he was about to hear and he just held her tight, the warm sunlight had lost its luster and he felt chilled to the bone. 

Asya closed her eyes and then she started telling him about her secret, about the wound that had been festering in her mind for decades. It began on the night of her wedding, she was so terribly nervous and also filled with some anticipation, everybody she had ever spoken with or knew seemed to like the activity she soon was to engage in and she wasn’t that afraid. She knew it would hurt the first time but it couldn’t be that bad now could it? She was very confused when he came to bed, blew out the candles and just mumbled something about letting her get to know him first before he turned his back to her and fell asleep. She felt relieved, almost moved by this gesture of kindness.   
Later she discovered it for what it was, and she felt her heart breaking into a thousand tiny pieces. It was all a lie, all a charade, a mask. He didn’t touch her, not that night or any other nights, instead he did enjoy tormenting her with snide remarks, scorn and even beatings. He loved giving her meaningless tasks and when they were done she had to do it again or he would explode in anger and she would cower in front of him, utterly terrified. He enjoyed watching others suffer and he had such remarkable ways of hurting her without leaving marks. 

The real beast was revealed one late evening when she heard some strange sounds coming from a storage room at the back of the apartment they had. She had been told never to go there but she couldn’t help it, she had taken a peek through the keyhole and she would never forget it. Her husband was there but he wasn’t alone, he was with another grown ellon and one that could barely have come of age. The sounds were made by the young one and Asya had rushed back to the bedroom, hiding beneath the covers. She had had no idea that anybody could do something like that to others and she knew that the young ellon never could have agreed on participating in something like that, there had been blood, lots and lots of it, and she had seen objects that she would deem to be fitting and normal inside of Dol Guldur, not inside of their apartment. 

She hadn’t told anyone, she was too afraid, too much in shock. She had managed to fool him, and he hadn’t discovered that she knew. She heard later on from some servants passing by that a young soldier had gone missing and she felt her heart drop. He was dead, she was sure of it and she had to tell someone but who would believe her? Galaron’s grip on her was too strong, too terrible. Even now when she knew what sort of a monster he was she had some hope that he would change, that he would see the errors of his ways and become someone she could love. How naïve she was, how blind. 

His family was causing a problem, they demanded grandchildren and Asya felt her mother in laws piercing gaze rest upon her flat stomach every time they came to visit. Asya had to serve them and make cakes and pour the wine and act like a servant more than his wife and she started to realize that his family didn’t know. They didn’t know he was a sadist and they didn’t know that he preferred males. She had come to that conclusion rather fast, there was nothing about her that tempted him sexually, he only liked to see her in pain. He had agreed to get married just as a subterfuge, to fool his family. Most elves accepted that some preferred their own gender and were very open about such things but his family was not. If he had told them he only felt attracted to other males there would have been hell to pay since his parents were rather strict and old fashioned and very determined to uphold the family name and honor. Having a wife was a great façade, and since he also was very sadistic, something which is extremely rare among their people he knew he could break her into submission rather fast.   
His parents started to nag and one day he came home and told her that he had told them she was pregnant and she was ordered to act as if it was true. She was shocked, surely they would understand that it was a lie soon enough but he just told her not to worry. He would take care of it. 

He had actually told her he didn’t find her attractive at all, That she was ugly and hideous and just filth. He had used it to break her even further and when he got all dressed up and left she knew he was going to meet some lover. She didn’t mind, she didn’t care anymore. She did pretend to be pregnant though, she didn’t dare to do otherwise and he would praise her and even be rather kind when he was pleased with her performance. How she hungered for those moments, she would do anything to hear him speak to her softly, saying gentle words. She hungered for affection and he knew that too darn well. He had broken her very subtly and with cruel determination, she was ready to roll over and bare her throat at his smallest gesture and he was very pleased with himself. 

Then one evening he had brought her some food and wine, he had presented her to some friends earlier that day, been bragging about how she was caring for him, how happy they were together, telling about the child they were to have. She had no idea of why he would spread such lies but she understood soon enough. She had eaten it all, he had ordered her to even though it tasted funny and when they were out in the huge garden in the middle of the palace she suddenly had felt a most terrible pain. She had screamed and fell down and it felt as though red hot claws were tearing at her guts, at her very core. She saw that several elves came running, in shock and confusion and Galaron had shouted at them, asked them to go get the healer, telling them that his wife was having a miscarriage. She understood then, he had poisoned her, just to hide it all, his lies, his dark secrets. If she died he was free, and nobody would force him to get remarried Asya decided there and then that she would live, just to crush his plan.

It took forever before the healer arrived, he had been busy helping some ellon with a severe allergic reaction and she had seen through it. It was a part of the plan, the ellon was a friend of Galaron, playing just to keep the healer away from her until it was too late. The healer brought her to the infirmary and she wasn’t really examined. They just put some medicine in her and determined that yes, she had lost a pregnancy, better luck next time. The healer was probably paid to look the other way, nobody gets as sick as Asya got just from a miscarriage that early. But she kept the secret, just so that nobody would find out that she had held her mouth shut about that young ellon and strangely enough Galaron didn’t try to kill her again. Now he could claim that she had become infertile and he had been offered a whole new world of freedom. She was getting the blame for the childless marriage and he could screw around without a care in the world, she was the perfect camouflage. 

Elladan had been listening to her words, strained and thin and he couldn’t believe it, her own husband had tried to kill her?! And the ellon had been a murderer? What a sick bastard, it sounded as if Galaron could have made a rapid career within the dark lord’s forces if he had chosen to. The peredhel was aghast, he didn’t blame her at all, she had suffered terribly because of that monster and how could she have exposed him? It would most certainly have cost her everything if she had, her life included. Asya sniffed and pressed her face against his neck, her warm breath tickled him and he felt so terribly sorry on her behalf. Such a burden was something nobody ought to carry with them. “ You must think I am an awful person, I have lied to everybody. Even after he died, I didn’t dare to say anything, his parents would have… they would have killed me for tarnishing his memory. I even tried to starve myself to death, I was so ashamed.” 

He kissed her again, stroked her hair, held her close. “ Asya, I do not blame you, how can you even think like that? You were alone, completely alone, and very afraid. Nobody would have been able to do anything about such a terrible person. It doesn’t change anything Asya, I still feel the same.” 

She lifted her face towards his, eyes red and so very very sad. “ You do?! Oh valar.” 

Elladan suddenly realized the implications of what she had told him. “ Sweet Eru, that means that…he never laid with you?” 

She nodded with her eyes hidden. “ Yes, he didn’t even kiss me, I was disgusting to him. The few times he was kind it was just to gain something, to coax me further into his web of lies. I see that now.” 

Elladan closed his eyes. “ Asya, I will share this burden with you, believe me I will, if we bond then there will be no more secrets, no more darkness.” 

She sighed. “ That would be nice.” 

He swallowed. “ Then you are still a maiden Asya, still pure.” 

She let out something between a giggle and a sob. “ Yes” 

He felt a bit weird knowing that. “ If you still want me then I will be very honored to be your husband meleth, and to be your first.” 

She pressed her face against his neck once more, he felt the warmth of her tears against his skin and he swore to himself that by the valar, he would never let her down. “ I do Dan, you know I do, I just… I am scared.” 

He kissed the top of her head. “ I understand, like I told you, I can wait. When we decide to do this then it should be something we both agree upon, and both want just as much.”

She sighed and her hand found his. “ I am glad I have met you Dan. I have hope now.” 

Her voice was drowsy and he smiled and held her. “ I am very happy to hear that, rest now, you need it. “ 

She just sighed and drifted off into sleep, completely exhausted and he laid there with his arms around her and felt strangely emotional. She had indeed trusted him to reveal all this and even though he was greatly shocked by the story it made sense now. Her husband had been a complete psychopath and she was lucky to have escaped with her life. Elladan wanted to make her happy, more than anything else. She deserved all the happiness in the world. After a while he got sleepy too and let himself drift away and he dreamt of Asya laying on the ground in a pool of blood with lots of faceless elves gathered around her, none doing anything to help. 

Elrond had started to become a bit worried since his son had been gone for so long so he was a bit relieved when he saw Elladan and Asya returning from their trip. He did notice something odd though, Elladan kept his arm around her shoulders with an expression that told the healer he was in a very protective mood and Elrond could sense that something was wrong. It was easy to see for anyone who knew his son, there was tension in his posture and Elrond saw that he moved in a way that revealed anger, and lots of it. Elladan returned Asya to her rooms, then he came to his father’s study and Elrond was expecting him. It made him very happy to see that his son still sought his advice and trusted his judgment in spite of everything. 

Elladan sat down in a chair like something dropped him, he stared at his father and Elrond got a bit startled, he had never seen such a dark expression upon his sons face before. “What’s the matter Dan? You look as if you have been fighting the dark lord himself?” 

Elladan ran his fingers through his long black hair, the wolf like eyes were blazing. “ I have just heard the most awful story ever! I thought I had heard terrible tales before, from the elves who has escaped from the enemy, and those who has been the captives of Asya’s father, but no, they are cute compared with what I just heard.” 

Elrond frowned. “ What?” 

Elladan sighed and then he started retelling Asya’s story and Elrond got more and more pale by the minute. He leaned back into his armchair and had problems containing his disbelief and not the least the anger he felt towards Asya’s late husband. He thought he had heard of many a very twisted and dark personality when he was young and the terrible wars against Morgoth was being fought and the oath of Fëanor still wreaked havoc in now sunken lands. But he had never heard of any elf this depraved and corrupted and he decided that this needed to be looked into, he could perhaps manage to find out who it was that had cooperated with Galaron, there could be more than one such monster on the loose and you could say a lot about Thranduil but he did not accept murder within his realm and absolutely not when his own subjects murdered each other. Yes, a small investigation would be a wise step to take, if they could expose this then they would probably gain further goodwill from that paranoid king. 

Elladan was almost panting and Elrond reached over and poured some brandy into small glass. It was something they had bought from some merchants and it was very strong. “Here, drink. You need it.” 

Elladan tossed it back, coughed violently and shook his head but he got his color back. “ Ada, her own husband poisoned her!! I wish he wasn’t dead so I could kill him!”

Elrond sighed. “I understand son, believe me I do. Relax, I will see into this. I know a couple of Thranduil’s advisors and his librarian too, I will send them a discrete note and see if we can expose Galaron’s friends, I bet the king will blow a fuse or two but good riddance. He will not hesitate to rid the realm of such evil doers.” 

Elladan just nodded, he stared at the floor. “ Ada, can we move the wedding?” 

Elrond cocked an eyebrow, he had wanted to ask the same question and he was pleased to hear his son ask it first. “ Of course we can, but does she want this too?” 

Elladan nodded. “ We have talked ada, a lot. She doesn’t feel safe yet, she fears that something will happen, that she will be forced to return home or something like that. When we are officially married she will be protected by that. “ 

Elrond smiled and he felt rather happy, it was easy to see that his son was falling for Asya and fast too, no wonder, there was such a light in that elleth and although it had been blanketed and kept hidden it would break free and he was sure she would become a rather marvelous person soon enough. “Then it is all good and well, I will give the orders. A month? Is that too long to wait or is it alright?” 

Elladan smiled. “ It is perfect, she still has to calm down a bit and I wish to get to know her even better.” 

Elrond had a somewhat wry expression upon his face and Elladan stared at him. “ Ada, you look as though you have discovered something truly extraordinarily ironic?” 

Elrond nodded and sniggered. “ Oh but I have son, I have. You know, Thranduil is a greedy ellon, he is mad about gems. I bet he doesn’t know he has sent us the brightest gem of all of Mirkwood, disguised as a common pebble.” 

Elladan snorted and rolled his eyes. “ Oh ada, I think he will get the shock of his life when he see what she may turn into.” 

Elrond winked. “ Indeed!” 

A month wasn’t that long for an elf, but Asya had a sensation of time running as slow as tar, she was meeting Elladan every day now and they slowly developed a sort of trust she never had shared with anyone before. Ghirda was beside herself with joy, her timid and frightened lady was slowly creeping out of her shell and started to emerge as a true flower. Her hair turned into shiny silk and it brought the color out in an amazing way, her skin looked normal and she had put on even more weight and her strength had returned. She was still a bit nervous, still she would jump whenever she heard sudden noises and she got pale if anyone raised their voice in her presence but it got better. And she started to get some confidence in herself, she was taught how to ride by Elladan and she got some singing lessons by Lindir and revealed a very beautiful voice that made the minstrel a bit shocked. It was a shame it hadn’t been discovered before. 

She and Elladan got closer by every day and she wasn’t nervous around him at all, in fact she was thawing up and started to act a bit like some playful and very cuddly kitten. At least when the two of them were together. They had kissed a lot and Asya was shocked by the sensations she discovered awakening in her body, she hadn’t believed that she could feel thus. It was a sort of hunger and she was just so thrilled by the joy of it, and the novelty too. Elladan was having a hard time not going too far, he wanted to wait for the wedding, he didn’t want to consummate their union too early but he also knew that she ought to learn more about him, also in that manner. So they had spent some nights together, and they had gotten pretty close to doing the deed too. 

She wasn’t shy for him and he really liked the curiosity and gentleness she expressed when they were together, she wasn’t afraid to touch him and she appeared to be rather infatuated by him, and in awe of his body too. He was really looking forward to the wedding now, and he knew that she did too. Ghirda had caught them asleep in Asya’s room more than once and Elladan had to blush when the adeneth discretely revealed that she had seen his tattoo, which meant that she had gotten a very good peak at the whole package as she sniggering confessed. He had kicked the blankets off and Ghirda proclaimed that the sight had added years to her life. 

Asya did enjoy just watching Elladan sleep, he looked so peaceful thus and so youthful, even for an elf. She was so safe with him near and she had discovered a new strength within. She was like a young tree reaching towards the light and Elladan was there to support her, it was such a wonderful thing to know. Elrohir was thrilled on his brother’s behalf and even Glorfindel had started to like Asya, he would act like some very protective uncle and spoil her by bringing treats or even small trinkets or strange things he found when he was out on patrol. To Asya even some feathers or an unusual root was a treasure she wanted to explore and Erestor was shocked by her ability to learn, she was like a sponge, absorbing everything. 

Arwen returned from her grandparents since Elrond had sent a letter explaining the situation and she was quickly becoming Asya’s best friend. The two young ellith would chat and giggle and share secrets the way young females do and to Asya it was wonderful beyond words to have a real friend like that. Elrond was stunned by the sight of the two of them together, Arwen’s dark beauty did create such a nice contrast to Asya’s flaming colors and the two were quite a sight together. Arwen helped Asya pick out dresses, she taught her about being a lady and about fashion and hairstyles and everything and they did find the perfect wedding dress too. Asya didn’t show it to Elladan since that could bring bad luck, but he was very curious. 

The night before the wedding they had to stay apart and Asya had gotten used to his presence now, she had a hard time falling asleep without him there and Ghirda said it was a good sign. The elderly adeneth was so thrilled to see how her lady had bloomed and she had a small hope that she would hear the pitter patter of tiny feet before her time was over. Asya had blushed when Ghirda said that but she felt a new sort of hunger awaken within from her servants words. She did want children and she just knew that she would give Elladan very pretty ones for sure. 

There were guests arriving, many came from Lothlorien, Galadriel couldn’t come but Celeborn did and Asya felt like a trembling fool when she was to greet him. But he knew of her story so he acted in a most kind and considerate manner, praised her choice of dress and expressed great joy over the fact that his grandson had gotten such a marvelous elleth to share his life with. Asya was blushing and stuttering and found that she liked him. 

There were just one guest from Mirkwood, her father had sent one of his closest advisors and Asya had never liked the ellon, he was way too aware of his raised position and power and Elrond knew so they arranged everything so that he didn’t see Asya before the ceremony was to start. He probably expected her to be like before, a grey mouse hiding in a corner but Asya was determined to outshine her father’s jewels and make that ellon choke on his wine.   
Arwen and some other ellith had done a marvelous job on her hair, they had made a lot of thin braids which met at the back of her head in a net like pattern and emeralds had been attached to them so they caught the sunlight and created a perfect contrast to her now shiny auburn locks. Elrond had given her a beautiful emerald necklace as a wedding gift and she knew that she never had looked better. The dress she and Arwen had picked out was deep bottle green and made from velvet and satin with golden lace attached to the linings and it really hugged her figure in a very nice way. She was suspecting that it would make Elladan drool and probably make him unable to even think straight. 

Two of Arwen’s friends were to follow her up to where Elladan was waiting and Lindir had been given the task of singing a wedding hymn, he was so nervous he was shivering. The ceremony was being held at the main square of Imladris and everywhere there were adornments made from flowers and vines and small lamps were hung from the trees and buildings. It did look amazing and Elrond had made sure that it all was in her colors, emerald green and golden. The crowd was rather excited, they were eagerly awaiting the bride and Elladan stood there with his brother by his side and was afraid he would pass out or something like that, he was terribly nervous. 

Asya did only see Elladan as she slowly walked up towards him, he was so beautiful and she knew that he made her soul complete like none other. They did belong together, for eternity.   
She did take a swift look at the advisor though, out of the corner of her eye, He was staring and he did look like an idiot with his lower jaw almost touching his chest. She giggled within but kept her tranquil serene expression. The ellon looked as if he suddenly had gotten the shock of a lifetime. 

The ceremony itself was rather short, much wasn’t needed but they both signed a marriage contract and spoke their vows and exchanged rings. Asya wasn’t nervous at all, she felt so totally at peace and so utterly loved. There were lots of congratulations and even her father’s envoy came to give his regards, he did look as though he had bitten into a very sour lemon though and Elladan could barely contain his mirth. He whispered to Asya that the ellon looked as if he had truly and utterly fooled somehow. Elrond had a smirk on his face and Celeborn had understood the situation and treated the advisor with a sort of overly friendly camaraderie that made the ellon cringe. He suggested that the advisor should visit Lothlorien and admire its wonders and the ellon looked as if he was about to make a run for it, he feared that they were trying to trick him somehow. 

There was dancing and feasting, speeches and song and Asya had a lot of fun, she really enjoyed herself and Elladan was beside himself with joy seeing her so relaxed and at ease with herself and everybody surrounding her. She knew she was safe now and that did wonders for her. Elladan was aching to leave the party, to be alone with her at last but he wanted to let her enjoy the day to the full. Asya was dancing with him a lot and he didn’t really want to let her go at all. She did dance with his brother too and Elladan had given Elrohir strict orders, no sneak peeks through their bond this night. He would shut his brother out for this he didn’t want to share with anyone. Elrohir had just grinned and wandered off to dance with some interest of his own and Elladan just hoped that his brother hadn’t prepared any sort of pranks. He hadn’t felt anything that could imply anything like that through their bond so he hoped he was safe but then again, Elrohir wasn’t the only one there capable of pranks. 

It was late when Asya finally told him she was tired and wanted to leave and Elladan was more than happy to comply. He did sneak them both away from the party and they arrived at their new home giggling and both a bit nervous. Elrond had given them a rather grand apartment with a nice view of the valley and the building was one of the newest in the entire valley and very luxurious, and Asya already loved it. It was everything her old home hadn’t been, filled with light and very airy and open. Elladan carried her through the door and she giggled and felt safe in his arms. They didn’t need many words, they were beyond that now. He removed her jewelry slowly, undid her braids and made sure he caressed her skin as he did. She just allowed her emotions to flow freely, she didn’t try to restrain herself and soon they were entangled in rather passionate kissing. she helped him removing his robes and tunic too and before long they were naked and in bed. 

Asya was impatient, she wanted it all right away but he was experienced and knew that this shouldn’t be rushed. He did hold back, did make sure that she had pleasure before he had to cause her pain and when they finally joined it was just as much a spiritual union as a physical one. The bond that was being created was like lightning, like a mighty river flowing towards the sea, powerful and unstoppable and eternal and their spirits soared, returning as more than they been on their own. 

Asya did lay there and enjoyed the intimacy, Elladan had fallen asleep and she giggled and let her hands slide through his long dark hair. It had hurt but it was insignificant compared with the joy that followed, the feeling of being as one, being complete. She was absolutely sure that nobody ever had been this happy, every dark secret was chased away, the past was just a memory now. It would haunt her sometimes, that was beyond doubt but he would be there, to be her protection and strength. They had repeated the joyful activity quite a few times and now that the passion had burned itself out for now she started to feel a bit sore. She had to giggle, it had been so much more than she had anticipated, the moments they had shared before had been just the icing of the cake so to speak. She allowed herself to drift off to sleep with a very happy grin upon her face. 

It wasn’t long before the couple gained a reputation for sneaking away rather often and the neighbors complained about a noise level at night that was impressive and enviable. Some made jokes about it but nobody were mean, they all wished them the very best. Asya had really emerged from her shell as a pearl, more radiant than any gem and Elladan felt as though he had gained new energy too. Her way of viewing the world with wonder and amazement had really awakened his joy of life too. He had been too busy killing orcs to enjoy himself but now he started to see life from a new side again. 

Elrond had sent a letter to Mirkwood and after some months he got one back from one of the elves he knew. They had started an investigation, very discreetly of course and very hidden but they had discovered a lot of filth that had shocked them all. Apparently several very attractive young ellyn had disappeared over the years and the disappearances had been so far apart nobody had thought of a connection. The culprits were just two ellyn pluss Galaron, and the two had one thing in common, they had once been captured by the enemy and had escaped. But as Elrond said, they hadn’t as much escaped as been allowed to flee. They had been carefully corrupted and twisted and although they still were elves when it came to appearance they were more like orcs within.   
The elves Elrond trusted had gathered a lot of evidence and when it was delivered to Thranduil the king threw a tantrum that would go down in history as the worst ever. But the two were seized and they confessed too, obviously living under the misconception that the dark lord would save them somehow. 

Elrond did read the letter out loud to Elladan and Asya, she needed to know that it was over, that the secret she had been forced to guard was exposed, that it was naught more than a bad memory. The two had been executed, elves normally never killed other elves, not even murderers but these were not elves, they were monsters and Elrond became very worried after this. If the enemy indeed could corrupt an elf without changing his or hers appearance they would have to be very careful from now on. It meant that there could be elves living among them who in fact were in the dark lord’s service. 

Asya was relieved that it was over with, that the secret no longer held any power over her. She almost forgot about it all for her new life was so much more fulfilling than her old ever had been. She learned how to embroider and weave and she enjoyed cooking too. The things she made at first were dubious at best and Elladan did eat it all but he did confess to Elrohir that some of the steaks she had made did taste like the soles of his old boots and were just as hard to digest. Later on she learned and became a very good baker too and her cakes were sought after by everybody. She made a name for herself and Ghirda helped out as much as she could. The adeneth was getting old now and she was very frail but the climate of Imladris did wonders for her aching bones and she was still very active and not at all confused and prone to forget things as some old humans are. 

Ghirda did live to see her wish fulfilled, five years after Asya and Elladan got married they got their first child, a lovely little girl with dark auburn eyes and the eyes of her father. Elladan almost lost it when Asya went into labor, he was so nervous Elrond had to sedate him so he didn’t hurt himself. And he became a very dedicated father who was so proud of his little one he promptly showed her off to everybody who visited Imladris. Asya had a portrait painted of her and her family and she sent it to Mirkwood. She received a letter some months later, it was written by her half-brother Legolas and it was a very heartfelt congratulation. Legolas did write that Thranduil had put up the portrait in his personal study and that the sight of it had made the king weep. After all, Asya’s daughter was his first grandchild and perhaps he now did see the errors of his ways. She could only hope, old habits die hard and he had never been the one to admit his own faults or flaws nor was he a humble person in any way. 

When Garafiel was ten Asya gave birth to a very large boy, it did drain her of strength but she recovered and by the time the one ring once more made its presence known she and Elladan had four children, two girls and two boys. Elrohir had become the world champion of spoiling his nephews and nieces and even Glorfindel could be found playing with the elflings looking all silly and happy. Elladan was terribly worried when the darkness once more showed its nasty face but when Sauron was defeated he was so relieved he cried. His family was safe and that was all he could ever pray for. Asya did support Arwen when she married Aragorn and she mourned the fact that her good friend did chose mortality. They all stayed in Imladris for as long as they could, Asya had met her half-brother during the ring war and they had gotten very close and slowly she was accepted also by the rest of the royal family. They were anxious at first but she forgave them all, it was the only way she could move on with her life. 

Her father was the last one to thaw, but when he did she accepted his apologies wholeheartedly, he had changed a lot and their relationship was good although not very close. When the day came and Asya and her family sailed she knew that the day her father decided to send her off like some worthless trinket had been a day of blessing, it had disguised itself well but the fact remained. In Valinor they all faced a better brighter future and she was very relieved when her father at last joined them many centuries later.   
The last of the elves left middle earth and he had fulfilled his oath to protect the woodland realm, the promise lost its value when the last one left and so he was finally free to join his family. In their new home across the sea also he healed and became a whole new person and Asya was very happy to see that they finally were able to have a normal father daughter relationship. It was the final piece of the puzzle that had been missing and when she saw her children playing joyfully with their grandfather and uncle she knew that even the darkest of secrets can contain a glimmer of hope and light.


End file.
